A & B

A and B are two of my friends, and I think they're in love. They haven't told one another, but they have told me. I kinda love them both, but definitely not in the same way.

A is a nerd. He works hard, plays videogames, and reads comic books. We went on holiday to Croatia together. We got into a state and he told me, in an awkward and roundabout way, that he thinks he loves her. At the time I dismissed him and told him it was cheesy. I wish I hadn't.

B is German. She used to do hip-hop dancing as a girl and has big boobs. I don't know much else about her, but we get along well. She pities me and my nonesistant love life. I act aloof but I like it when she makes me feel better about myself. We got into a state at an after-exams party and she told me that she is in love with him. I told her that it must feel incredible to say it aloud, and that I was happy for her.

A and B are a odd couple. They hit one another and say that they hate on another. They joke that they are going to break up and that they would like to sleep with other people. A and B cancelled their trip across America this year. I think A believes that I would steal his girlfriend if given the chance. I find it funny that he genuinely thinks im capable of  that.

I'm a bit wierd, and sometimes I like to think about their relationship. The young student couple, terrified that work, time, and life will conspire together to end their happiness. I like to think about my own role. As a hopeless romantic I know it isn't my place to tell either one how the other feels. As a friend I would like to help them overcome their anxieties. Most of the time, though, I don't know what to think. I hope it works out for them. I think it will.

I felt better today. Maybe it wasn't love I needed, just a lovely 13 hour sleep.

Then I went to the set of an X-Factor type show being filmed by the student Television Station. I do a bit of camera work and running to help out my friend, who is producing the show. It wasn't too much of a chore. I got to see how talented some Students are, and I like to observe how a TV Station works.


In fact, I thought I could do a better job than the effeminate gay boys who run the Station. That's why when I came home I started penning ideas for a comedy sketch show I had in mind. Since I've never written anything before (apart from this blog and a handful of awful and pretentious poems) I asked my friends to help me write. Even if it is terrible, in the end I can only learn from the experience.

Speaking of writing, I have a longer and more personal blog entry planned for tomorrow. I've just got to promise myself that I will do it.

I've been partying fairly hard the last few days. We threw a house party yesterday. Such good feelings to have no immediate work to do and lots of drugs to take. I'm still feeling down though, and I don't know why. I think I need some love in my life.

I've also been listening to a lot of Broadcast recently. Flying Lotus posted their stuff on twitter. I'm sad that the singer  (Trish) died last year.

Woop!

Woop! Exams are over! Partay!

That's pretty much all I have to say today. The exams went averagely, but whatever, they're over now.

Uhh.. my head is spinning from all the revision! I now know everything about American foreign policy, escalation in Vietnam, and the causes and consequences of 1968...

Except I can'tt remember any of it. Whatever. I give up.

I forgot to post yesterday. I can't remember that I did anything particularly interesting. Never mind.

Today I revised, spoke to my parents, and went for another short run. I've been having sharp pain in my calves, so I figure that more frequent low-intensity exercise will help. I started with 10 minutes of warm-up exercise (high knees, power jumps, heel kicks, sidesteps, short bursts of speed, etc.), then a 15 minute jog, and finished with 10 minutes on my housemate's exercise bike.

One more day to do revision tomorow, then my first exam, then another day revising, then my last exam... Woo! I can do this!

Today I woke up late and felt particularly anxious most of the day. I tried to revise, but couldn't bring myself to focus long enough for any productivity to happen. I can't wait for the exam period to be over already.

A list of things I did today

9am Woke up
9.15 Had toast with Jam
Took the bus to my revision session
10am-12pm Revision session
12pm Had lunch on the steps
Went to the Cd library and Hallward library. Didn't get any music or books.
Walk home
2pm Shopping. Got cookies.
3pm Played the guitar for 15 minutes
Went on the internet and avoided work
Listened to Samiyam
5.30 pm Sketched a portrait of Pharoah  Sanders
6pm Prepared & ate Chow Mein dinner
Went on the internet and avoided work
8pm Went to my friend's house to chill
Now - Posting on the blog then bed.

Hanna

I just watched a film called Hanna.I wouldn't recommend it, it was a bit rubbish. At times it was taking cues from the Bourne films (Hanna is a government agent-assassin who uses brutal hand to hand combat). At others it was taking them from the Resident Evil films (she runs away a lot). It even imitates some of Tarantino's flicks in some parts (the larger than life family she travels with and the charismatic bad guy archetypes). I have no problem with films copying from other films - that's how creativity works. The problem is Hanna just couldn't decide what it was trying to be, and the result was really bland.

I would love to be a film critic in another life. But I can't be bothered to write a full review. Here is a list of 10 things I can think of that were wrong with Hanna:





















1. The amazingly unsubtle use of eyes on the wall when the Dad character is being followed. That isn't how atmosphere works.
2. The dull, Bourne-inspired fight scenes. Which never made any sense.
3. The annoyingly endearing and pointless family Hanna travels with. Why?
4. Hanna's awkward encounter with a spanish boy.
5. hanna's awkward encounter with electricity. Seriously, as if her Dad taught her to fight, navigate, survive in the wild, speak foreign languages, etc. but never at any point mentioned electricity?!
6. Whenever the film was trying to be poignant. At least, I think it was...
7. The bad characters were German skinheads. Why?
8. Hanna spends most of the film running from them, even though she can easily beat them in hand to hand combat.
9. She says she doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore, but the movie ends with her killing Cate Blanchett pretty much in cold blood. And Cate Blanchett's character was the best thing about this movie.
10. When she finds out she is a scientific experiment and it's supposed to be some incredible plot-twist. Seriously? The blond-haired blue-eyed albino girl with the strength to kill a bunch of soldiers with her bare hands isn't human?? Didn't see that one coming.

I went for a run with the club again today. It wasn't easy. 5 1k reps, with 90 seconds recovery. My legs hurt.

Exams and motivation

Had my first exam this morning. Getting up at 7am was tough, but I think the exam went well. As well as it could have, given my less-than-enthusiastic approach to revision.

It's funny, I know I'm entirely capable of a first classification, but I just don't care enough to put the work in. I enjoy history a lot, and outside of a school-like-environment I find it is one of the most interesting things. How could anyone not be interested in discovering how things came to be as they are???

But as soon as it becomes work all of that enthusiasm vanishes. When I know I have to learn it to progress and earn career prospects, etc.,  it suddenly becomess the most tedious and difficult thing in the world to study. I really hate it. It's just weird that, if I happened onto the same topic out of my own curiosity, I would find it endlessly interesting and would probably do a much better job reading and remembering it all!

Today I can't decide how I want to use this Blog. I could post daily with brief details about my daily activities, or post less often with more in-depth discussion about topics I think and care about. Or a mixture of both..

I actually got some stuff done today. Despite spending all of last night looking at Tales of Mere Existence videos on Youtube.

Running, Flow and getting stuff done

Went for a run with the University Athletics group today. 4 mile 'tempo run'  at 70-80% effort. It was very hilly and knackering, but very satisfying. I believe in Flow - or Mushin, to give it its cooler martial-arts name - a mindstate in which you exist solely in the moment and fully immersed in an activity. In running, the best experience is finishing, thinking "wow, that was fast", checking the stopwatch, and then realising you never even started it! You were so in the moment, that time, distance, surroundings, anxieties, other people, etc. .. that is to say, everything.. becomes irrelevant. All that matters is the joy of running. It's pretty cool. And immensely rewarding.

I try to practice it when I can, whilst running and in other areas of my life. But obviously, it's much harder to immerse yourself entirely in an activity you hate. Like revision. Which I didn't do much of, again.

I gotta get stuff done...

2

I'm posting quite late tonight because I've had a busy day.. At least by my  lazy standards.

Got some work done, despite an awful lot of procrastination. How is it that the internet is such a good tool for wasting time? I can spend an hour trawling through links and Stumbleupon, and at the end of that hour I can't recall any of the content I have seen! It's quite worrying, really..

Three of my five housemates came back, so the house is full now. I get on well with them, but I miss how quiet it was with just two people in the house. I sometimes think I would like to live as a recluse, but then I remember how boring and lonely that would really be.


I also spent a lot of time looking up the misterpokeylope pseudonym. My crazy (not really crazy, just neurotic and overbearing) mum stalks my facebook profile and my Xbox gamertag, so I've been a bit paranoid about what people can discover about me via Google. Then I remember, given how poor and uninteresting I am, who would want to find out about me? What am I afraid of? My mum's rebuking me about my personal life? Who cares? Not me

First!

Had a pretty quiet day. Got up on time. Went to the library. Did a little bit of revision. Got distracted and anxious. Came home. Made sandwiches. Procrastinated.

Then I decided to start a blog. Not for anyone to read but myself, really, but buying a diary would be too cringe. The name is a reference to Psychonauts, which is a great little game.

Really liking Sparklehorse at the moment. It's a Wonderful Life is great.