Monday, 31 December 2012
NYE 2012
It's NYE and I'm alone. You may think it's weird, being NYE an all, but I've decided I would rather be listening to music and playing games than in some noisy bar or club, or anywhere with other people. Later I'm going to make Stir Fry and then I think I'm going to watch Tokyo Story. I haven't seen it before.
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Another dream
From what I can make out, in this dream I was at a reunion for people who went to my sixth form. I was there with one of my friends and for some reason we were tripping mushrooms. I remember it was really socially awkward being talking to people who wanted to find out how my life had gone since sixth form and tripping balls at the same time. Then I made a social faux-pas when I thought I recognised one of the asian girls who went to our school, but it turned out it was another asian girl (there were a lot of asians at my school.
The reunion finished around 10pm and for a kick I thought I would take my old 279 bus route back to my old house in Enfield. On the way to the bus stop, still tripping, I saw a gang of kids, and it reminded me of how shit that area was. I got on the bus, but before it could drive off, the kids came on with guns and said they were taking the bus hostage. Then they started shooting people who they didn't like the look of. And the bus had to drive really fat down the A10. The situation reminded me of the movie Speed (with Keanu Reeves).
The gang asked me who I was and what I was doing here. I think it was the mushrooms because instead of replying like a normal person I said I was "a student of history" The kids were like WTF then they shot me in the abdomen. I had seen a lot of action films so I knew that I needed to keep pressure on the wound, which I did. I think we were just past the Cinema on the corner of the roundabout when the police came. They pulled up alongside the speeding bus and jumped in through the windows. Then they killed all the bad guys and the bus was bought to a stop. The paramedics who arrived were actually my parents. Instead of taking me to hospital immediately they spent the whole time arguing. I think one of the asian girls (it might have been the one whose identity I mistook.. I can't remember) drove me to the hospital in her car. Then I woke up.
I've been having weird dreams lately. Also, it's been raining lots. And I'm only updating this blog because I have ESSAYS TO WRITE.... I really need to do that..
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Illness
I'm ill again. This makes me sad. I had to miss out on athletics training yesterday, and will probably have to do the same tomorrow. Fucking immune system.
Monday, 1 October 2012
Dream
I've recently been trying to write down some of my dreams. This involves scrawling random words on the back of hands, envelopes, desks,etc. in the early morning, while you are still in the half-asleep-half-awake stage. Last night I had a crazy dream. So, before I forget about it, here it is.
I was taking the first class of a photography module. Although I think it was actually a sixth-form class, because there were thirty-odd people in the class. For some reason, the teacher (female) left, and we started fucking around with the equipment, taking pictures, photoshopping, printing, and so on. I don't know who did it or how, but someone broke one of the expensive SLRs. We decided to write a letter to say that it was malfunctioning to get a replacement. We wrote the letter, but for it to work we needed a stamped sealed envelope. We didn't have the stamp, but we found another envelope that had been opened with the seal on it. One of my friends in the class started copying the seal onto our envelope with ink. I suggested we should use our new photography skills to photoshop a new stamp. We did. The teacher came back and everything was fine.
This must have been a boarding school, because after class we were sent to bed in a dormitory in a wing of the school. The dormitory was huge. There were thousands of multidecked bunk beds. I found my bed in the middle somewhere, and as I lay down I saw goblins on rollerskates handing out pieces of root bark. I took one and ate it. After this point, I don't know if I was having a seperate dream, or perhaps the root bark induced a dream-within-a-dream.
I woke up on a beach. My friend who I had helped with the sealed envelope was there, telling me to follow him up the cliffside. He said we were going to Sainsbury's. When we got to the top, I realised that Sainsbury's was the codename for the compound on top of the cliff on the Island we were on. In the middle of the compound, thousands of people in scuba diving gear were gathered, listening to the leader give a speech. Apparently, we were a few miles from the coast of Chile. Noel Edmonds was the tyrant king of Chile now, having taken over from Pinochet. Apparently we were attacking his compound later today today.
It must have been in the evening or the early morning because the sky was bright pink. Thousands of special forces scuba divers were lined up on the cliff. We jumped into the sea and started swimming the mile or so it was to the coast.
Only a few hundred meters away from Edmonds' compound, there was a commotion. The word came that our covert mission had been compromised. From all sides, Noel Edmonds' squadron of Orcas attacked us. Some of us tried to fight back with harpoon guns, but it was useless. We swam as fast as we could towards the compound while all around us scubamen were being picked off by giant killer whales. We made it, but with heavy casualties. With what was left of the scubamen, we battled our way across the compound to Noel Edmonds' command centre.
We kicked open the door to Edmonds' room, to find... a real estate agent, showing us around a house. I say house, it was more of a mansion. It had eight floors, underfloor heating, a giant living room with a beer fridge (where the remaining scubamen made themselves at home), a swimming pool, bridges, staircases. It was very Escher-esque. We walked out of the house (leaving our scuba-friends behind) and discussed what we thought of it. My housemates said they liked it, but that £77 per person per month was too much for them. We visited a few more houses and settled for normal student accomodation. I remember I was quite annoyed about that. Then I woke up.
I was taking the first class of a photography module. Although I think it was actually a sixth-form class, because there were thirty-odd people in the class. For some reason, the teacher (female) left, and we started fucking around with the equipment, taking pictures, photoshopping, printing, and so on. I don't know who did it or how, but someone broke one of the expensive SLRs. We decided to write a letter to say that it was malfunctioning to get a replacement. We wrote the letter, but for it to work we needed a stamped sealed envelope. We didn't have the stamp, but we found another envelope that had been opened with the seal on it. One of my friends in the class started copying the seal onto our envelope with ink. I suggested we should use our new photography skills to photoshop a new stamp. We did. The teacher came back and everything was fine.
This must have been a boarding school, because after class we were sent to bed in a dormitory in a wing of the school. The dormitory was huge. There were thousands of multidecked bunk beds. I found my bed in the middle somewhere, and as I lay down I saw goblins on rollerskates handing out pieces of root bark. I took one and ate it. After this point, I don't know if I was having a seperate dream, or perhaps the root bark induced a dream-within-a-dream.
I woke up on a beach. My friend who I had helped with the sealed envelope was there, telling me to follow him up the cliffside. He said we were going to Sainsbury's. When we got to the top, I realised that Sainsbury's was the codename for the compound on top of the cliff on the Island we were on. In the middle of the compound, thousands of people in scuba diving gear were gathered, listening to the leader give a speech. Apparently, we were a few miles from the coast of Chile. Noel Edmonds was the tyrant king of Chile now, having taken over from Pinochet. Apparently we were attacking his compound later today today.
It must have been in the evening or the early morning because the sky was bright pink. Thousands of special forces scuba divers were lined up on the cliff. We jumped into the sea and started swimming the mile or so it was to the coast.
Only a few hundred meters away from Edmonds' compound, there was a commotion. The word came that our covert mission had been compromised. From all sides, Noel Edmonds' squadron of Orcas attacked us. Some of us tried to fight back with harpoon guns, but it was useless. We swam as fast as we could towards the compound while all around us scubamen were being picked off by giant killer whales. We made it, but with heavy casualties. With what was left of the scubamen, we battled our way across the compound to Noel Edmonds' command centre.
We kicked open the door to Edmonds' room, to find... a real estate agent, showing us around a house. I say house, it was more of a mansion. It had eight floors, underfloor heating, a giant living room with a beer fridge (where the remaining scubamen made themselves at home), a swimming pool, bridges, staircases. It was very Escher-esque. We walked out of the house (leaving our scuba-friends behind) and discussed what we thought of it. My housemates said they liked it, but that £77 per person per month was too much for them. We visited a few more houses and settled for normal student accomodation. I remember I was quite annoyed about that. Then I woke up.
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Blade Runner is probably my favourite film ever. It's pretty much perfect. I love that it blends film noir with sci fi. I love the atmosphere, the themes, the visuals. I love the acting and obviously that music. I love that everything about it is understated and subdued, that there are no "answers". And who could forget that ending monologue. OK I think I've bummed it enough. Seriously, though, its an astonishing artistic achievement. But for some reason (probably because I hate reading) I never felt compelled to read the book it is based on.
Well I finally finished Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? the third Dick book in my collection, and I gotta say, it was fucking sick. I won't bother comparing it to the film. There are a lot of similarities, and a lot of differences. The biggest one is the inclusion of a religion called Mercerism in the book, and the whole post-apocalyptic lifestyle is described in more detail than it is in the film, such as Animal-ownership, 'Kipple' (junk) and Empathy-boxes. There are a few other minor ones, like Roy having a wife, JF Sebastian becoms JR Isidore, and a few more.
But what really matters is the emotional impact both film and book have on me. They both perfectly convey that sense of... I can't even describe it. It's like despair, decay, confusion, emptiness, pointlessness, absurdity, inhumanity, all rolled up into one.
This rehearsal will end, the performance will end, the singers will die, eventually the last score of the music will be destroyed in one way or another; finally the name Mozart will vanish and the dust will have won. If not on this planet then another. We can evade it awhile. As the andys can evade me and exist a finite stretch longer. But I get them or some other bounty hunter gets them. In a way, he realized, I’m part of the form destroying process of entropy. The Rosen Association makes and I unmake. Or anyhow so it must seem to them.
Vibes
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Yesterday I read The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, the first book, in a compilation of 5, that I am planning to read over the summer. I really enjoyed the book. I liked Phillip K. Dick's bleak vision of the future. The overheated and overcrowded New York environment was presient, given how the book was written in 1965. The sandy Martian colony, where unfortunate people are sent to live out their lives, is a bleak world where people have nothing to do except "chewing" hallucinagenic drugs Can-D
and Chew-Z. I especially liked the scenes where the characters
have fantastical Can-D and Chew-Z induced trips. But by far my favourite, was the scene in the Strangelove-esque Dr. Denkmal's E(volution)-therapy clinic, where one of the characters is given a treatment which allows him to evolve and experience "Broad, all-inclusive preoccupations?" Brilliant. Toward the end, though, I got a little bit confsed. The book got all philosophical, saying that Palmer Eldritch was god, or wasn't god, and the ending was too ambiguous for my liking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yFLX9ruBEgI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yFLX9ruBEgI
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Bloc part deux
Five-o came and told us the festival was over, due to overcrowding. This made sense, since one of the security had told us that they had sold over 24,000 tickets for an event which was supposedly for 15,000 people. To be honest, I think 10,000 people, even if the venue had been organised properly, would have been more than enough.
By the time I filtered outside the festival site, it was too late for me to get the last train home, but too early to wait for the first morning train. And I still hadn't seen any of my friends!!! I thought it would be too awkward to leave without having even seen them, so I sat on the other side of the street watching the chaos unfold...
Eventually my mates stumbled out, still buzzin', but the night was far from over. 20,000+ people were now piling out and trying to get transport home, meaning there was massive queues for the few transport buses taking us back to Liverpool Street. We got on one eventually, and headed back to one of my friends' houses which is closer than mine (I live on the very outskirts of London, outside the M25). In the end though, as what had just happened sunk in, and realising that my weekend was going to be washout, I decided to nightbus it back home. I got home around 6ish, showered, and went to sleep, disappointed.
I woke up late on Saturday. I jumped on the internet to see what was being said. Pretty much everyone was in agreement: Bloc was the biggest flop of 2012. And now, I had to find a way to avaoid spending my Saturday evening with the rents. Looking through twitter, I saw that a handful of events were being put on in lieu of Bloc. One, hosted by Jacques Green, with Actress and Martyn as special guests, looked good. But it was in South London. Fuck South London. But there was a silver lining: A Hyperdub party, with Flying Lotus as a special guest, around the corner from Liverpool St. It looked like my weekend might just be redeemed. I washed, ate, dressed, and ran to the train station. On the way there, my friends were saying enough was enough; they weren't coming. I didn't mind going alone - I'm such a massive FlyLo fan!
But, by the time I got there, the queue was backing around the street. The Bloc curse!!! I queued for a while, but then I talked to some guy who had been inside, and it was apparently one-in-one-out already. Damn. I walked over to XOYO to see if I could get in there, since by this point I didn't mind paying for entry, I just wanted to listen to some motherfuckin' music. I managed to get in despite the fact it being packed out. The show was pretty good as a consolation prize for a shocking weekend.
Bloc 2013? I don't think so.
By the time I filtered outside the festival site, it was too late for me to get the last train home, but too early to wait for the first morning train. And I still hadn't seen any of my friends!!! I thought it would be too awkward to leave without having even seen them, so I sat on the other side of the street watching the chaos unfold...
Eventually my mates stumbled out, still buzzin', but the night was far from over. 20,000+ people were now piling out and trying to get transport home, meaning there was massive queues for the few transport buses taking us back to Liverpool Street. We got on one eventually, and headed back to one of my friends' houses which is closer than mine (I live on the very outskirts of London, outside the M25). In the end though, as what had just happened sunk in, and realising that my weekend was going to be washout, I decided to nightbus it back home. I got home around 6ish, showered, and went to sleep, disappointed.
I woke up late on Saturday. I jumped on the internet to see what was being said. Pretty much everyone was in agreement: Bloc was the biggest flop of 2012. And now, I had to find a way to avaoid spending my Saturday evening with the rents. Looking through twitter, I saw that a handful of events were being put on in lieu of Bloc. One, hosted by Jacques Green, with Actress and Martyn as special guests, looked good. But it was in South London. Fuck South London. But there was a silver lining: A Hyperdub party, with Flying Lotus as a special guest, around the corner from Liverpool St. It looked like my weekend might just be redeemed. I washed, ate, dressed, and ran to the train station. On the way there, my friends were saying enough was enough; they weren't coming. I didn't mind going alone - I'm such a massive FlyLo fan!
But, by the time I got there, the queue was backing around the street. The Bloc curse!!! I queued for a while, but then I talked to some guy who had been inside, and it was apparently one-in-one-out already. Damn. I walked over to XOYO to see if I could get in there, since by this point I didn't mind paying for entry, I just wanted to listen to some motherfuckin' music. I managed to get in despite the fact it being packed out. The show was pretty good as a consolation prize for a shocking weekend.
Bloc 2013? I don't think so.
Monday, 9 July 2012
Bloc pt. 1
I'm finally done sulking that I can actually rationally explain what was without a doubt the worst weekend of my life.
Bloc 2012 was supposed to start on friday night. My friends and I were super excited. They were being so super-keen that they turned up at 5pm... I couldn't be fucked with that (and I also wanted to eat some food before I went on an all-night music extravaganza) so I got there around 8pm, having had Subway in Stratford. It was weird being in a part of London that I had never been to before, on the DLR, which was also a first for me. The train was packed full of london hipsters.
Pontoon Dock was my stop. The festival was literally a few feet away, down a walkway. The sun was setting and it looked pretty damn good. By this point I was starting to get caught up in all the excitement. The security stopped us at the end of the walkway, which I assumed would lead staright into the festival. Except it didn't. We were threaded back around, to the back of another short queue. And then another, enormous queue of over 1000 people, which backed up around the Bloc. Realising that the back of the queue would mean standing by myself for over an hour, I jumped in near the front and got in under 20 mins. We were led inside where there was... another, even longer, queue...
To the annoyance of those who had presumably qo pueued the whole way, me and a group of other festival-goers I had been talking to in the queue were like FUCK this, and threw down/jumped over the barriers that would have made us snake around. Swimming through a sea of people, we got there in 'bout half an hour. I had skipped most of the queueing and still needed a drink. I opened the Rum and Ginger Ale I had mixed for myself and shared it with some chick I was trying not tress my dick up against... she was cute, but I just wanted to get in!
The ticketting was a joke. I had only printed the bar code part of the "ticket" (which was just an email, printout) so the security were saying I couldn't go in even though the barcode had scanned correctly. Luckily, because of the chaos we had caused by knocking some of the barriers over, the crowd was surging forward, and the security had to give me my wristband to deal with the mass of people. Finally, after over an hour of stressful crowd-pushing, I was in!
My phone's signal was fucking up, but from what I gathered my friends were in the Stubnitz; a Soviet-era boat acting as one of Bloc's stages. I had missed Nicolas Jaar because of the queues, and I didn't want to miss another act I had earmarked to see, so I made my way over to the Main Arena, where Amon Tobin, DOOM, and Snoop Dogg had already started playing. I caught the second half of Amon Tobin's set. It was pretty good, although I prefer his earlier jazz-infused stuff. The visuals of the ISAM were really cool. They made me wish I had taken some illicits. Although, with all the crowding, I'm glad I didn't. After a short wait, DOOM was on. I'm a huge fan, but the show was really disappointing. The sound guys clearly hadn't made any changes after Amon Tobin, because the bass was turned way up. Add to that the fact that he rhymes with a lisp so the lyrics got really muffled. So much so that I could barely recognise some of the songs. What was cool was that this guy next to me was rapping ALL the lyrics perfect. Chill guy.
I waited a while for Snoop to come on, but it was getting really crowded inside and I had no liquor left, so I decided to go meet everyone else on the boat. On the way out, I saw loads more people queueing for Snoop. I was like fuck that noise, I don't even like Snoop Dogg (apart from this song). But when I got to the boat, it was closed because of health n' safety. I tried to ring my friends inside to see what was up, but my phone was still fucking up. Then more people started to arrive. Apparently, Snoop Dogg had cancelled. Then apparently one of the tents was also closed, and the Millenium Mills half of the site was closed off. By now there were hundreds of people trying to get on the boat, which was closed. I waited for about half an hour with some french dudes, who were saying they had spent over 200 pounds in travel and accomodation to see HudMo play on a motherfucking Soviet boat, which they told us we couldn't go on, even though that was one of the Festival's selling points. At that point, I would have abandoned my friends and gone elsewhere, but apparently there was nowhere else to go! And that's when the police came (tbc)
Bloc 2012 was supposed to start on friday night. My friends and I were super excited. They were being so super-keen that they turned up at 5pm... I couldn't be fucked with that (and I also wanted to eat some food before I went on an all-night music extravaganza) so I got there around 8pm, having had Subway in Stratford. It was weird being in a part of London that I had never been to before, on the DLR, which was also a first for me. The train was packed full of london hipsters.
Pontoon Dock was my stop. The festival was literally a few feet away, down a walkway. The sun was setting and it looked pretty damn good. By this point I was starting to get caught up in all the excitement. The security stopped us at the end of the walkway, which I assumed would lead staright into the festival. Except it didn't. We were threaded back around, to the back of another short queue. And then another, enormous queue of over 1000 people, which backed up around the Bloc. Realising that the back of the queue would mean standing by myself for over an hour, I jumped in near the front and got in under 20 mins. We were led inside where there was... another, even longer, queue...
To the annoyance of those who had presumably qo pueued the whole way, me and a group of other festival-goers I had been talking to in the queue were like FUCK this, and threw down/jumped over the barriers that would have made us snake around. Swimming through a sea of people, we got there in 'bout half an hour. I had skipped most of the queueing and still needed a drink. I opened the Rum and Ginger Ale I had mixed for myself and shared it with some chick I was trying not tress my dick up against... she was cute, but I just wanted to get in!
The ticketting was a joke. I had only printed the bar code part of the "ticket" (which was just an email, printout) so the security were saying I couldn't go in even though the barcode had scanned correctly. Luckily, because of the chaos we had caused by knocking some of the barriers over, the crowd was surging forward, and the security had to give me my wristband to deal with the mass of people. Finally, after over an hour of stressful crowd-pushing, I was in!
My phone's signal was fucking up, but from what I gathered my friends were in the Stubnitz; a Soviet-era boat acting as one of Bloc's stages. I had missed Nicolas Jaar because of the queues, and I didn't want to miss another act I had earmarked to see, so I made my way over to the Main Arena, where Amon Tobin, DOOM, and Snoop Dogg had already started playing. I caught the second half of Amon Tobin's set. It was pretty good, although I prefer his earlier jazz-infused stuff. The visuals of the ISAM were really cool. They made me wish I had taken some illicits. Although, with all the crowding, I'm glad I didn't. After a short wait, DOOM was on. I'm a huge fan, but the show was really disappointing. The sound guys clearly hadn't made any changes after Amon Tobin, because the bass was turned way up. Add to that the fact that he rhymes with a lisp so the lyrics got really muffled. So much so that I could barely recognise some of the songs. What was cool was that this guy next to me was rapping ALL the lyrics perfect. Chill guy.
I waited a while for Snoop to come on, but it was getting really crowded inside and I had no liquor left, so I decided to go meet everyone else on the boat. On the way out, I saw loads more people queueing for Snoop. I was like fuck that noise, I don't even like Snoop Dogg (apart from this song). But when I got to the boat, it was closed because of health n' safety. I tried to ring my friends inside to see what was up, but my phone was still fucking up. Then more people started to arrive. Apparently, Snoop Dogg had cancelled. Then apparently one of the tents was also closed, and the Millenium Mills half of the site was closed off. By now there were hundreds of people trying to get on the boat, which was closed. I waited for about half an hour with some french dudes, who were saying they had spent over 200 pounds in travel and accomodation to see HudMo play on a motherfucking Soviet boat, which they told us we couldn't go on, even though that was one of the Festival's selling points. At that point, I would have abandoned my friends and gone elsewhere, but apparently there was nowhere else to go! And that's when the police came (tbc)
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
What's up? Nothin' much
Been chillin' at home for 2 weeks now. Been watching lots of daytime TV. My routine has pretty much been: get up at 12, eat some food, do a few pushups, watch the Tour de France, eat some food, finish watching the Tour, listen to some music/play games/watch TV, get some food, then go sleep. I'm still sleeping 12+ hours a night. I should really do something about that.
I also haven't been able to search for a summer job. My Dad's been fuckin' me around, because he wanted me to help renovate the house, but he keeps changing the date and hasn't told me when we're going to do it. Same with Uni. I will be resitting the exam I missed in August, but they don't know when yet. It's annoying, but there's nothing much I can do... I done a little reading for next year, still
This weekend though I'm off to Bloc, a festival. Amon Tobin, Steve Reich, Flylo, Battles,DOOM, Nicolas Jaar, Four tet, James Blake, Hudson Mohawke, Martyn, Actress, and loads loads more cool shit. I'm Well looking forward to it!!
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
DMT and Magic Mushrooms
I tripped DMT and Magic Mushrooms recently. Here is what happened, as I remember it.
I'll begin with shrooms, since I did these most recently. I began the trip a little bit apprehensively. Psychedelics make me nervous, and a bad trip is something I would definitely not like to experience. This wasn't helped by the fact that one of my friends, who would have been tripping otherwise, couldn't join us because of work. This meant that it would just be me and my other housemate who would be taking the shrooms. He is very weird and neurotic and likes to babble on about philosophy and politics. I think his cynicism and bleak outlook gives him a perverse sense of superiority. Normally I don't mind, but on drugs his philosophical rants can be very annoying and confusing. Still, it was a warm sunny afternoon so I went ahead and ate my shrooms. They were a little dry. I washed them down with Orange Juice.
The come-up of mushrooms seemed to me a lot faster than acid. With LSD, the come-up is very gradual. The world slowly unravels. With mushrooms, it felt like I was waiting nervously for ages with no real effect, and then suddenly I got very, very high. The first noticeable effects came after 30-50 minutes. Walls started to breathe out of the corner of my eye, my mood was enhanced, colours began to look a little 'off', and music started to sound dammmmmn fine. I think the effect of psychedelics on music and food is my favourite aspect of the drugs.
Very quickly these effects built up and up. I was losing track of time, everything was pulsating and screaming out at me to look at it, and my thoughts stopped being linear. My housemate seemed to be speaking quicker and quicker and making less and less sense, and I was getting to that point where following and participating in conversation becomes too stressful. Overwhelmed by everything that was going on, I had to tell my housemate to be quiet for a while, which he did.
To me, nature looks incredible on psychedelics, and the view out of the top floor window was incredible. Birds seemed to dart across the trees with lightning speed. Their movements seemed incredibly elegant and beautiful. I closed my eyes to see if I had any Closed Eye Visuals. Whoah. I opened my eyes again quickly because they were too much. Indescribably beautiful shapes, patterns and dimensions were rotating around my mind. It was at this point that I realised I could swim.
"Realising you can swim" is my slightly rubbish analogy. It relates to the first time I went over to the deep end of a swimming pool. I would paddle a couple of feet down the pool, and check to see if I could still stand with my head above water, then paddle down a bit further and do the same, until I put my foot down, and sank down into the water. A strange feeling of falling and panic. But then I splashed back up, and swam the rest of the way to the deep end of the pool, plunged to touch the bottom, and swam back. It doesn't matter how deep the water if you can swim.
I was staring at one of the Oak trees at the back of the house, which was fractalising. Pink clouds were dancing to music. The Magic Mushroom Spirit Goddess was dancing also, teasing me to come inside the fractal. I didn't want to. I've been inside a fractal before, and all you get is more fractal. I turned away and looked at the cupboard doors. The wood grain normally melts on acid, which looks cool, but on shrooms it was way cooler. The grain formed giant hologram legs, which slowly began to walk. Really, really, really cool. I watched them walk for a while and then tried to explain it to my housemate, because I felt like I might have been rude before when I needed him to shut up. Trying to explain things on psychedelics is so hard. The experience is so subjective, and I don't have good vocabulary.
At some point, I decided to put headphones on and shut my eyes. I felt a neon psychedelic energy charge up the headphone cable and into my head. The Mushroom Spirit communicated that if I was too scared to come out and play, she would come in. She took my on a journey backwards through space and time. By which I mean, my version of space and time, which featured a lot of dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are cool. I tumbled backwards, back through prehistoric jungles and mountains, back through the history of the cosmos. I felt very nostalgic. I reached death and I was terrified, but I was determined to continue. We went past death and then?... I can't really describe what happened beyond that point. I vaguely remember gods and spirits and all sorts. Then the bad trips goblin entered by mind. He told me it was easier to imagine things and to look at others than it was to look at myself. I saw my own brain pulsating with neon psychedelic energy. I felt like I was just a soul or a consciousness trapped in a primate body. It was a seperate entity to me, and I was inside it, only using it to move around and see and sense the world. I saw myself in the third person. It was a really, really disconcerting feeling. But then I realised, or remembered, that there was nothing about myself that I didn't already know. I had seen myself in the mirror, and I was okay with that. It is what it is.
About four hours into the trip I stopped peaking. Just as quickly as I had come up, I came down. Apart from some visual afterglow, I could speak and think coherently again. All in all, it was a very fun experience. I felt a lot more like I was "on my own" than with previous psychedelic trips. Just me, and the figments of my imagination. I don't know if that's the nature of the drug, because of how I felt, or who I was with. I might try them again in a different setting and see what happens.
DMT was... insane. Very short, but a blast. Like Salvia, you have to inhale it and hold it for ages to get anything. I was already drunk and high before I did it, so I was feeling drunkenly confident about the whole thing. I inhaled that shit and saw my hand start to vibrate, and then blue flames were coming off it. Someone took the bong off me and I flopped onto my back. It felt like I was being dragged violently up through the dimensions of reality. I visualised time and space as a sort of spiral ribon falling down, and I, on my spaceship-bed was floating up. This lasted about 30 seconds, and then I reached the same room. The door to the left was on fire with crystal flames. The two lads who were standing to the left and right of me were 80ft tall guardian-spirit-things (I can't really say, since I have never seen anything like it) who had their backs to me. They were incredibly frightening. They turned to look at me, as if to say "Oh look, here's another one" It seemed that they found it funny that wasteman tripping on DMT kept arriving unanounced into their dimension. It made me very happy. The ceiling was an incredibly bright light, and I thought that the whole place looked like the gates of Valhalla, or something. Very cool.
While both these experiences were really really fun, I don't think I got that much out of them. Maybe it's because I am a year older, or because the drugs are different, but I felt that taking LSD last year had a much more profound effect on me. Neither the mushrooms nor the DMT made me want to make any drastic changes in my life. Keep trying, keep positive, and don't get too upset if things don't go well. It is what it is.
I'll begin with shrooms, since I did these most recently. I began the trip a little bit apprehensively. Psychedelics make me nervous, and a bad trip is something I would definitely not like to experience. This wasn't helped by the fact that one of my friends, who would have been tripping otherwise, couldn't join us because of work. This meant that it would just be me and my other housemate who would be taking the shrooms. He is very weird and neurotic and likes to babble on about philosophy and politics. I think his cynicism and bleak outlook gives him a perverse sense of superiority. Normally I don't mind, but on drugs his philosophical rants can be very annoying and confusing. Still, it was a warm sunny afternoon so I went ahead and ate my shrooms. They were a little dry. I washed them down with Orange Juice.
The come-up of mushrooms seemed to me a lot faster than acid. With LSD, the come-up is very gradual. The world slowly unravels. With mushrooms, it felt like I was waiting nervously for ages with no real effect, and then suddenly I got very, very high. The first noticeable effects came after 30-50 minutes. Walls started to breathe out of the corner of my eye, my mood was enhanced, colours began to look a little 'off', and music started to sound dammmmmn fine. I think the effect of psychedelics on music and food is my favourite aspect of the drugs.
Very quickly these effects built up and up. I was losing track of time, everything was pulsating and screaming out at me to look at it, and my thoughts stopped being linear. My housemate seemed to be speaking quicker and quicker and making less and less sense, and I was getting to that point where following and participating in conversation becomes too stressful. Overwhelmed by everything that was going on, I had to tell my housemate to be quiet for a while, which he did.
To me, nature looks incredible on psychedelics, and the view out of the top floor window was incredible. Birds seemed to dart across the trees with lightning speed. Their movements seemed incredibly elegant and beautiful. I closed my eyes to see if I had any Closed Eye Visuals. Whoah. I opened my eyes again quickly because they were too much. Indescribably beautiful shapes, patterns and dimensions were rotating around my mind. It was at this point that I realised I could swim.
"Realising you can swim" is my slightly rubbish analogy. It relates to the first time I went over to the deep end of a swimming pool. I would paddle a couple of feet down the pool, and check to see if I could still stand with my head above water, then paddle down a bit further and do the same, until I put my foot down, and sank down into the water. A strange feeling of falling and panic. But then I splashed back up, and swam the rest of the way to the deep end of the pool, plunged to touch the bottom, and swam back. It doesn't matter how deep the water if you can swim.
I was staring at one of the Oak trees at the back of the house, which was fractalising. Pink clouds were dancing to music. The Magic Mushroom Spirit Goddess was dancing also, teasing me to come inside the fractal. I didn't want to. I've been inside a fractal before, and all you get is more fractal. I turned away and looked at the cupboard doors. The wood grain normally melts on acid, which looks cool, but on shrooms it was way cooler. The grain formed giant hologram legs, which slowly began to walk. Really, really, really cool. I watched them walk for a while and then tried to explain it to my housemate, because I felt like I might have been rude before when I needed him to shut up. Trying to explain things on psychedelics is so hard. The experience is so subjective, and I don't have good vocabulary.
At some point, I decided to put headphones on and shut my eyes. I felt a neon psychedelic energy charge up the headphone cable and into my head. The Mushroom Spirit communicated that if I was too scared to come out and play, she would come in. She took my on a journey backwards through space and time. By which I mean, my version of space and time, which featured a lot of dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are cool. I tumbled backwards, back through prehistoric jungles and mountains, back through the history of the cosmos. I felt very nostalgic. I reached death and I was terrified, but I was determined to continue. We went past death and then?... I can't really describe what happened beyond that point. I vaguely remember gods and spirits and all sorts. Then the bad trips goblin entered by mind. He told me it was easier to imagine things and to look at others than it was to look at myself. I saw my own brain pulsating with neon psychedelic energy. I felt like I was just a soul or a consciousness trapped in a primate body. It was a seperate entity to me, and I was inside it, only using it to move around and see and sense the world. I saw myself in the third person. It was a really, really disconcerting feeling. But then I realised, or remembered, that there was nothing about myself that I didn't already know. I had seen myself in the mirror, and I was okay with that. It is what it is.
About four hours into the trip I stopped peaking. Just as quickly as I had come up, I came down. Apart from some visual afterglow, I could speak and think coherently again. All in all, it was a very fun experience. I felt a lot more like I was "on my own" than with previous psychedelic trips. Just me, and the figments of my imagination. I don't know if that's the nature of the drug, because of how I felt, or who I was with. I might try them again in a different setting and see what happens.
DMT was... insane. Very short, but a blast. Like Salvia, you have to inhale it and hold it for ages to get anything. I was already drunk and high before I did it, so I was feeling drunkenly confident about the whole thing. I inhaled that shit and saw my hand start to vibrate, and then blue flames were coming off it. Someone took the bong off me and I flopped onto my back. It felt like I was being dragged violently up through the dimensions of reality. I visualised time and space as a sort of spiral ribon falling down, and I, on my spaceship-bed was floating up. This lasted about 30 seconds, and then I reached the same room. The door to the left was on fire with crystal flames. The two lads who were standing to the left and right of me were 80ft tall guardian-spirit-things (I can't really say, since I have never seen anything like it) who had their backs to me. They were incredibly frightening. They turned to look at me, as if to say "Oh look, here's another one" It seemed that they found it funny that wasteman tripping on DMT kept arriving unanounced into their dimension. It made me very happy. The ceiling was an incredibly bright light, and I thought that the whole place looked like the gates of Valhalla, or something. Very cool.
While both these experiences were really really fun, I don't think I got that much out of them. Maybe it's because I am a year older, or because the drugs are different, but I felt that taking LSD last year had a much more profound effect on me. Neither the mushrooms nor the DMT made me want to make any drastic changes in my life. Keep trying, keep positive, and don't get too upset if things don't go well. It is what it is.
Friday, 18 May 2012
New Blog Post
Well... it's been forever since I last blogged...Exams and essays been keeping me busy...
That isn't quite true, though. I've had some stuff on my mind, which I've been meaning to get down onto paper (uh, i mean, the internet). Thing is, my thoughts are so scattershot, that when it comes to getting things down into written words, it all sort of disappears. Then I spend ages trying to piece back together what I was thinking about. Then I read it back to myself and I'm really unhappy with it. Then I forget about it. Still, I'm going to try to force myself to blog about some stuff that's been on my mind.
Just not today... got revision to do...
That isn't quite true, though. I've had some stuff on my mind, which I've been meaning to get down onto paper (uh, i mean, the internet). Thing is, my thoughts are so scattershot, that when it comes to getting things down into written words, it all sort of disappears. Then I spend ages trying to piece back together what I was thinking about. Then I read it back to myself and I'm really unhappy with it. Then I forget about it. Still, I'm going to try to force myself to blog about some stuff that's been on my mind.
Just not today... got revision to do...
Friday, 27 April 2012
Monday, 23 April 2012
Saturday, 21 April 2012
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Came back to uni early, because I couldn't really handle being back at home. My family are all hardworking, unhappy and stressed. Overdrinking, overworking, and undersleeping. I'm pretty sure they don't even enjoy life. I would hate to become like that. Pitiful. I hate being around them so I came back home (uni home) asap.
Now I'm in a bad mood, but at least I'm by myself. Casually jamming some house music, not working on my essay...
Now I'm in a bad mood, but at least I'm by myself. Casually jamming some house music, not working on my essay...
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Friday, 6 April 2012
Tripping Balss
The library I needed to use to do my work closes over Easter since yesterday. Work plan ruined. Since there was no point staying at Uni, I travelled home today.
I also set some time aside to write about my trip. It was a pretty crazy intense trip, and quite profound for me. I did some sketches of the trip a while back (in fact, tripping Salvia made me decide to start drawing -- okay, doodling -- again) but I lost them. So now I wrote it down. I don't want to forget what happened. That shit cray.
About this time last year, I was with some friends from Uni taking breakthrough trips, doing it in turns so that nobody knocked their head or did anything stupid. It was funny watching people flop around on the floor and not making sense. But then it was my turn. I didn't really know what to expect because I wasn't into psychedelics back then. I just jumped in. I guess I'm quite lucky to have had such a good trip despite not knowing what was going to happen.
So I was sitting on a bed and my friend was telling us what happened in his own trip, when a breeze blew in through the open window. It blew me into another universe. It took me a while to figure out what was happening, because universe 2 was exactly the same as universe 1 (our universe), apart from being a fraction of time in front and 'clockwise'. If you imagine time as a spirograph clock, each fraction of time is a segment on the clock. The segment immediately clockwise to our universe was another dimension. Universe 2, if you like. I knew what was about to happen in universe 1 from my existence in universe 2, but because it was only a fraction ahead I didn't have enough time to say "I knew that was going to happen". It amused me I suppose. It also opened me to the idea of multiverse, which dominated the trip. I also at some point realised that the reason I had gone clockwise was because the breeze was coming in from my left. I imagined that if I had been sitting on the other side of the window I would have 'tripped' the other direction. 'Tripping' is a good term, because each time I opened another universe, I had that feeling of weightlessness and confusion you get when you trip on something. Like I was 'tripping' over the lines that separate the different dimensions.
The breeze blew in again and I was knocked very suddenly into universe 3. The best way I can think of explaining this is if you have played Psychonauts. In that game there is a level inside the mind of Fred Bonaparte. In Fred's mind, the board game Fred is playing with Napoleon 'forms' the level, but it is also a part of it. You can look into the board game from the top, or you can look out from the board to see enormous fred and napoleon playing. To add to the mindfuck, the room also exists in the board game. In the same way, the folded legs of one of my friends 'formed' a bowl shape, in which the third universe existed. Weirdly, I could be in universe 1, looking in on Universe 3 and wondering how it could be, and simultaneously in Universe 3, looking up at my gigantic self peering in.
In universe 3 I was walking up a dirt path through a strange sort of emerald forest. It had a very colourful quality, full of sparkling, intense emerald greens, blacks, reds and golds. There were willow trees, long grass, a stream and a hut which looked a lot like the seven dwarves' hut in snow white with a water wheel. It was a strange sort of forest created, I imagine, from subconscious memories of the Smurfs, Disney films, and other childhood cartoons. It was inhabited by many dwarves, cats, medieval beings, creatures and anthropormorphic trees. I didn't speak to any of the inhabitants because my friend's legs formed a clearing in the forest a few hundred meters wide, through which I could observe that universe. Universe 1 me could see that at the end of the hill path stood a majestic oak which I knew I had to walk towards. I ignored the other creatures and walked up towards the tree. It was a beautiful Oak tree very very similar in size and shape to the Deku tree in Zelda. It's bark was covered with aztec fractals and its foliage was the thickest and greenest I have ever seen. My arrival roused it from its sleep. He communicated with me through a sort of shamanistic hum.
For a fraction of an instant I was thrown back into Universe 1. I realised that I had just walked out of her lap (the forest) and was standing on her breasts (the hill), with the path being formed by her cleavage and things of interest were just folds in her clothes. The Oak tree's face was formed my friend's face. I still swear to this day that in that instant she (both as herself and as a gigantic aztec tree) winked knowingly at me. The wind blew in again, this time colder and fiercer than before.
My friends must have yawned, because the Psychedelic Oak tree opened its gaping mouth and sucked me in. It felt like star wars hyperspeed. Then stillness. I was inside the tree's belly. Deepest space. I was in a space suit, slowly wheeling around space in the foetal position. I had binoculars on me, which I used to observe the stars and planets. I can't remember the details, but there were hundreds of thousands of them, and they were all vividly detailed. Some even had indigenous species! I could only watch them with my binoculars as I floated on my predestined path, but I did not become bored or tired or old. Back in our univetse, I remember I turned to look out of the window up at the stars. Although I could not see myself, I imagined myself up there among the stars.
At some point, I realised that my trajectory was heading towards a burning hot sun. With no way of changing course I started to panic. I was going to die. I started to think about all the things I did wrong and why I did them. Every insecurity and anxiety came to torment me. Then a girl I had a thing with a couple of months before (things didn't work out) appeared. She walked next to me for a while. At first I felt stupid for being in such a state. Then we talked for a while. It was nice. I told her that letting her go was the most awful thing about my life. She stopped and held me by the hand, and told me that it was only the second worst thing that would happen in my life. Close to tears and close to death I waved goodbye and floated on.
As I approached the sun, I saw that it was actually a planet. It looked like something from out of a science fiction book. It was hot, barren, dark and terrifying. It had many craters and many shadows, and it was frightening. As I drew closer I felt like I was about to have the worst thing about my life revealed to me. I floated down towards the surface, where I saw a bright glowing light. But it wasn't the worst thing ever. It was my friend, who had just tripped, telling everyone about his own trip. I remember it was hysterically funny at the time... something about antelopes on a schoolbus. I floated gently down and took my place back on the bed. Almost unnoticeably, my bodies from the different universes converged back into one. The strange planet's surface was just a room.
Then the wind blew one final time. This time I was propelled backwards, actually into the window. Inside the two panes that made up the double glazing. This last part happened in such a flash that I'm not sure what I made up and what actually happened. Here is what I think happened. I was standing inside a cave behind three witches (very similar to those in Hercules), who were huddled around a chalkboard. I walked up behind them and peered at what was on the chalkboard. It was a sort of primitive cave painting of everything that had happened. At the center was the window. There were curved lines coming off it, pointing to symbols depicting each of the dimensions I had visited. It was at this point that I realised that everything was happening concurrently. The spirograph clock was seperating each universe, but holding and linking them all together. There were infinite more possible universes that I hadn't explored. Then, in a way that I cannot describe, I was the window. At that point I stopped tripping.
I never really shared what happened to me with anyone. It was too intense and it sound unbelievable. I don't think any of it was real. I just have a wild imagination and a succeptibility to psychedelics. But since the whole experience was very personal and makes me sound like a lunatic when I retell it, I didn't want to tell anyone. I don't think anyone would be interested. So in the end I shrugged it off and said it was inception-ey. But, yeah... that shit cray.
I also set some time aside to write about my trip. It was a pretty crazy intense trip, and quite profound for me. I did some sketches of the trip a while back (in fact, tripping Salvia made me decide to start drawing -- okay, doodling -- again) but I lost them. So now I wrote it down. I don't want to forget what happened. That shit cray.
About this time last year, I was with some friends from Uni taking breakthrough trips, doing it in turns so that nobody knocked their head or did anything stupid. It was funny watching people flop around on the floor and not making sense. But then it was my turn. I didn't really know what to expect because I wasn't into psychedelics back then. I just jumped in. I guess I'm quite lucky to have had such a good trip despite not knowing what was going to happen.
So I was sitting on a bed and my friend was telling us what happened in his own trip, when a breeze blew in through the open window. It blew me into another universe. It took me a while to figure out what was happening, because universe 2 was exactly the same as universe 1 (our universe), apart from being a fraction of time in front and 'clockwise'. If you imagine time as a spirograph clock, each fraction of time is a segment on the clock. The segment immediately clockwise to our universe was another dimension. Universe 2, if you like. I knew what was about to happen in universe 1 from my existence in universe 2, but because it was only a fraction ahead I didn't have enough time to say "I knew that was going to happen". It amused me I suppose. It also opened me to the idea of multiverse, which dominated the trip. I also at some point realised that the reason I had gone clockwise was because the breeze was coming in from my left. I imagined that if I had been sitting on the other side of the window I would have 'tripped' the other direction. 'Tripping' is a good term, because each time I opened another universe, I had that feeling of weightlessness and confusion you get when you trip on something. Like I was 'tripping' over the lines that separate the different dimensions.
The breeze blew in again and I was knocked very suddenly into universe 3. The best way I can think of explaining this is if you have played Psychonauts. In that game there is a level inside the mind of Fred Bonaparte. In Fred's mind, the board game Fred is playing with Napoleon 'forms' the level, but it is also a part of it. You can look into the board game from the top, or you can look out from the board to see enormous fred and napoleon playing. To add to the mindfuck, the room also exists in the board game. In the same way, the folded legs of one of my friends 'formed' a bowl shape, in which the third universe existed. Weirdly, I could be in universe 1, looking in on Universe 3 and wondering how it could be, and simultaneously in Universe 3, looking up at my gigantic self peering in.
In universe 3 I was walking up a dirt path through a strange sort of emerald forest. It had a very colourful quality, full of sparkling, intense emerald greens, blacks, reds and golds. There were willow trees, long grass, a stream and a hut which looked a lot like the seven dwarves' hut in snow white with a water wheel. It was a strange sort of forest created, I imagine, from subconscious memories of the Smurfs, Disney films, and other childhood cartoons. It was inhabited by many dwarves, cats, medieval beings, creatures and anthropormorphic trees. I didn't speak to any of the inhabitants because my friend's legs formed a clearing in the forest a few hundred meters wide, through which I could observe that universe. Universe 1 me could see that at the end of the hill path stood a majestic oak which I knew I had to walk towards. I ignored the other creatures and walked up towards the tree. It was a beautiful Oak tree very very similar in size and shape to the Deku tree in Zelda. It's bark was covered with aztec fractals and its foliage was the thickest and greenest I have ever seen. My arrival roused it from its sleep. He communicated with me through a sort of shamanistic hum.
For a fraction of an instant I was thrown back into Universe 1. I realised that I had just walked out of her lap (the forest) and was standing on her breasts (the hill), with the path being formed by her cleavage and things of interest were just folds in her clothes. The Oak tree's face was formed my friend's face. I still swear to this day that in that instant she (both as herself and as a gigantic aztec tree) winked knowingly at me. The wind blew in again, this time colder and fiercer than before.
My friends must have yawned, because the Psychedelic Oak tree opened its gaping mouth and sucked me in. It felt like star wars hyperspeed. Then stillness. I was inside the tree's belly. Deepest space. I was in a space suit, slowly wheeling around space in the foetal position. I had binoculars on me, which I used to observe the stars and planets. I can't remember the details, but there were hundreds of thousands of them, and they were all vividly detailed. Some even had indigenous species! I could only watch them with my binoculars as I floated on my predestined path, but I did not become bored or tired or old. Back in our univetse, I remember I turned to look out of the window up at the stars. Although I could not see myself, I imagined myself up there among the stars.
At some point, I realised that my trajectory was heading towards a burning hot sun. With no way of changing course I started to panic. I was going to die. I started to think about all the things I did wrong and why I did them. Every insecurity and anxiety came to torment me. Then a girl I had a thing with a couple of months before (things didn't work out) appeared. She walked next to me for a while. At first I felt stupid for being in such a state. Then we talked for a while. It was nice. I told her that letting her go was the most awful thing about my life. She stopped and held me by the hand, and told me that it was only the second worst thing that would happen in my life. Close to tears and close to death I waved goodbye and floated on.
As I approached the sun, I saw that it was actually a planet. It looked like something from out of a science fiction book. It was hot, barren, dark and terrifying. It had many craters and many shadows, and it was frightening. As I drew closer I felt like I was about to have the worst thing about my life revealed to me. I floated down towards the surface, where I saw a bright glowing light. But it wasn't the worst thing ever. It was my friend, who had just tripped, telling everyone about his own trip. I remember it was hysterically funny at the time... something about antelopes on a schoolbus. I floated gently down and took my place back on the bed. Almost unnoticeably, my bodies from the different universes converged back into one. The strange planet's surface was just a room.
Then the wind blew one final time. This time I was propelled backwards, actually into the window. Inside the two panes that made up the double glazing. This last part happened in such a flash that I'm not sure what I made up and what actually happened. Here is what I think happened. I was standing inside a cave behind three witches (very similar to those in Hercules), who were huddled around a chalkboard. I walked up behind them and peered at what was on the chalkboard. It was a sort of primitive cave painting of everything that had happened. At the center was the window. There were curved lines coming off it, pointing to symbols depicting each of the dimensions I had visited. It was at this point that I realised that everything was happening concurrently. The spirograph clock was seperating each universe, but holding and linking them all together. There were infinite more possible universes that I hadn't explored. Then, in a way that I cannot describe, I was the window. At that point I stopped tripping.
I never really shared what happened to me with anyone. It was too intense and it sound unbelievable. I don't think any of it was real. I just have a wild imagination and a succeptibility to psychedelics. But since the whole experience was very personal and makes me sound like a lunatic when I retell it, I didn't want to tell anyone. I don't think anyone would be interested. So in the end I shrugged it off and said it was inception-ey. But, yeah... that shit cray.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
The 800m race I did on Sunday was a mixed bag. My time was slow (just under 2:20), and I was near the back (I think third or fourth from last... I didn't wait around for the results). I had injured calves and I didn't feel too great because I hadn't recovered well from getting fucked up a couple of days before. I need to stop drinking, smoking, and taking drugs really. Or at least cut down.
But stillI was quite pleased because I maintained a smooth and relaxed running style and didn't lose my composure during the race. I didn't even have time to break a sweat! Also, I sprinted down some old dude down the final straight which gave a boost to my ego :) I think with some proper consistent training and no injury... and less substance abuse... I can run under 2:10 this summer. Don't know about breaking 2:00 though,, that might have to wait until next year.
Speaking of getting fucked up, I found a source for Shrooms! Woop woop! Also, maybe tomorow, I will post my Salvia trip. I tripped Salvia a while ago and it was intense as fuck. I did some drawings immediately after, depicting the trip, but I really been meaning to get it written down so that I don't forget what happened. That shit cray.
The last thing thats been on my mind this week has been work. I decided to stay at Uni for the first week of Easter, so that I have a week by myself to do as much of my project as possible. So far ive just been procrastinating. BUt tomorrow Imma do a full 8 hour day of work with no distractions! Should be good.
But stillI was quite pleased because I maintained a smooth and relaxed running style and didn't lose my composure during the race. I didn't even have time to break a sweat! Also, I sprinted down some old dude down the final straight which gave a boost to my ego :) I think with some proper consistent training and no injury... and less substance abuse... I can run under 2:10 this summer. Don't know about breaking 2:00 though,, that might have to wait until next year.
Speaking of getting fucked up, I found a source for Shrooms! Woop woop! Also, maybe tomorow, I will post my Salvia trip. I tripped Salvia a while ago and it was intense as fuck. I did some drawings immediately after, depicting the trip, but I really been meaning to get it written down so that I don't forget what happened. That shit cray.
The last thing thats been on my mind this week has been work. I decided to stay at Uni for the first week of Easter, so that I have a week by myself to do as much of my project as possible. So far ive just been procrastinating. BUt tomorrow Imma do a full 8 hour day of work with no distractions! Should be good.
Monday, 26 March 2012
I made it out to a slow 5 mile run today. My calves felt better. Hopefully I can be back in shape by saturday, when I plan on doing a 800m race.
I also have been fighting a losing battle with my body the past few days to let me wake up before midday. This was not helped by the fact that the stupid clocks went forwards and lost me an hour sleep time. Imma go bed in like 20 mins,... tomorow's the day!
Finally I made this recipe today. It was very very nice. Perfect for a warm sunny day like this.
I also have been fighting a losing battle with my body the past few days to let me wake up before midday. This was not helped by the fact that the stupid clocks went forwards and lost me an hour sleep time. Imma go bed in like 20 mins,... tomorow's the day!
Finally I made this recipe today. It was very very nice. Perfect for a warm sunny day like this.
Saturday, 24 March 2012
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Still busy with life. Working, running, cooking, eating, sleeping. It sounds boring, but its cool. Life is good.
I found this the other day. It's a really good description of the effects of a psychedelic trip. I've also been listening to tUnE-YaRdS. They are a great little band. They are really eclectic/indie. Which normally is a bad thing. But the lead singer has a great voice, and the songs are really inventive.
I found this the other day. It's a really good description of the effects of a psychedelic trip. I've also been listening to tUnE-YaRdS. They are a great little band. They are really eclectic/indie. Which normally is a bad thing. But the lead singer has a great voice, and the songs are really inventive.
Sunday, 18 March 2012
It's been an eventful week. I've been frantically trying to catch up the work I missed whilst ill, doing the two pieces of coursework due in Wednesday, I went to my first race of the year, and I'm still working on that picture I've been drawing. Productive!
Also, I've been getting back into Halo for the Xbox. man, that game is sweet.
Also, I've been getting back into Halo for the Xbox. man, that game is sweet.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Fuck this I'm still ill!! Bluuuuuuuuh
Been doing a lot of work and watching How I Met Your Mother. At first I was a hater and I thought it wa a cheap knock-off of Friends. It follows the same formula, attractive people dating in New York etc. but the writing is good enough to make it good. It doesn't push the envelope of any boundaries, but its still good.
Been doing a lot of work and watching How I Met Your Mother. At first I was a hater and I thought it wa a cheap knock-off of Friends. It follows the same formula, attractive people dating in New York etc. but the writing is good enough to make it good. It doesn't push the envelope of any boundaries, but its still good.
Friday, 9 March 2012
I've been ill again this week. Horrible flu symptoms, fever, etc. I had to spend a couple days passed out in bed, and I didn' feel up to attending seminars/lectures today. It's worse, becasue I had planned to do a lot of work this week, and I have done barely any at all!!!
On a positive note, my sister got me the FlyLo album Los Angeles for my birthday. Listening to it now. its dope
On a positive note, my sister got me the FlyLo album Los Angeles for my birthday. Listening to it now. its dope
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Friday, 2 March 2012
Thursday, 1 March 2012
I watched this yeserday. Mad inspirational.
I've been hella busy recently. But good busy not bad busy. I've been getting on with my essay, which I am trying to finish before my birthday this weekend. Which I'm now looking forward to, now that I'm over the "omg I haven't done anything with my life and I'm twenty years old" blues. Hopefully they don't come back.
I've been hella busy recently. But good busy not bad busy. I've been getting on with my essay, which I am trying to finish before my birthday this weekend. Which I'm now looking forward to, now that I'm over the "omg I haven't done anything with my life and I'm twenty years old" blues. Hopefully they don't come back.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Saturday, 25 February 2012
I tidied my room today! I would say something about a tidy room, tidy mind, or some such bullshit, but it was just advanced procrastination.
I also started sketching this picture. I do sketches now. It's part of my whole 'self-improvement/do-something-with-your-life' hype i've been trying to do as of late.
Anyway I spent like an hour just doing the outlines. I don't know why I chose such a difficult picture! Maybe I'll post it up when I'm done. That way, I'll have an incentive to finish it.
Also I made burgers for lunch. They were yummy.
I also started sketching this picture. I do sketches now. It's part of my whole 'self-improvement/do-something-with-your-life' hype i've been trying to do as of late.
Anyway I spent like an hour just doing the outlines. I don't know why I chose such a difficult picture! Maybe I'll post it up when I'm done. That way, I'll have an incentive to finish it.
Also I made burgers for lunch. They were yummy.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Thursday, 23 February 2012
New Flat!
I signed the contract for the flat I am going to live in next year! Woo! It's slightly closer to Uni, about two minutes away from where I'm living now.
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Monday, 20 February 2012
Life is good
Today life is good. The weekend was peculiar. Friday night, we sat in the house and drank, with no club night or bar or pub or house party to go to. We sat, and drank, watched 30 Rock (which I am not a huge fan of), and complained that it was dull. It was dull. On Saturday night I went to a night run by a friend of a friend. It was a jungle/breakbeat set in an old man's pub. I started the evening unexpectant, sober, and slightly scared of the people around me. I had a few pints. Then I found some MD. Then some more of my friends turned up. Then I found Ketamine. I got fucked up. On Sunday I came back down.
Today I got up early (by my incredibly lazy standards) and did a few hours' work. I am very pleased, because I've been ill and falling behind in my work. And, as most of what I need to do is self-motivated and self-taught, it can be quite easy to give in to procrastination. Later I think I'll go for a run.
Today I got up early (by my incredibly lazy standards) and did a few hours' work. I am very pleased, because I've been ill and falling behind in my work. And, as most of what I need to do is self-motivated and self-taught, it can be quite easy to give in to procrastination. Later I think I'll go for a run.
Sunday, 12 February 2012
Well , this weekend was pretty dry. I spent all today and yesterday playing Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise and pretty much doing fuck all else. I literally sat and played games for almost two consecutive days. It feels horrible. And I just realised that I have lots of work to be done before Easter which I wasn't aware of before. I have two 3000 word pieces of coursework and a 5000 word project.
I'm feeling less ill now though, so that's good! I can try to get on top of it all this week!
I'm feeling less ill now though, so that's good! I can try to get on top of it all this week!
Friday, 10 February 2012
Uggghhhh...
Uggghhhh... I made the classic mistake of ignoring my health, and now I am really ill. And its still cold and snowing. Bluhhhhh! On the positive, I went to my first seminar today. It was about as good as I expected. That is to say, pretty tedious. And, since I'll probably be stuck in bed for the next few days, so I'll be able to blog more :)
I watched a film called Rushmore just now. It was really really good. Like, on the same level as Eternal Sunshine. I'm too ill and tired to do it now, but I definitely want to give it a proper review/ a second viewing.
I'm going to watch some more Wes Anderson/ Indie/ Slice of life/ Whatever you want to call 'em films now.
Then Lemsip and lots of rest. Eugh.
I watched a film called Rushmore just now. It was really really good. Like, on the same level as Eternal Sunshine. I'm too ill and tired to do it now, but I definitely want to give it a proper review/ a second viewing.
I'm going to watch some more Wes Anderson/ Indie/ Slice of life/ Whatever you want to call 'em films now.
Then Lemsip and lots of rest. Eugh.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Saturday, 4 February 2012
I now realise that my last blog entry was four days ago. Lazy. I will try to do better.
The past few days have mostly been made up of partying and sleeping in. I went to Forum on thursday (**) and Gate Crasher yesterday (****). Oddly, I bumped into old Schoolmates on both nights out. It's strange that I left school almost two years ago. On one hand, a LOT has happened since then. On the other hand, it really doesn't seem like that long ago. I guess time flies when you're having fun??!
Today it snowed. I cooked a lovely north-african lamb stew. I learnt how to blanche tomatoes. It was yummy.
The past few days have mostly been made up of partying and sleeping in. I went to Forum on thursday (**) and Gate Crasher yesterday (****). Oddly, I bumped into old Schoolmates on both nights out. It's strange that I left school almost two years ago. On one hand, a LOT has happened since then. On the other hand, it really doesn't seem like that long ago. I guess time flies when you're having fun??!
Today it snowed. I cooked a lovely north-african lamb stew. I learnt how to blanche tomatoes. It was yummy.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Well, I just read my longer post from yesterday back to myself, and it's pretty lame! But hey, it was written when I was in a certain mood at a certain time, so fuck it. That's what was on my mind at the time.
I also got a longer run in today. 35 mins, and my calves did not ache at all during or afterwards. I did a brief stretch and warm up inside the house because it's really cold outside, and I think it helped a lot.
I also got a longer run in today. 35 mins, and my calves did not ache at all during or afterwards. I did a brief stretch and warm up inside the house because it's really cold outside, and I think it helped a lot.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
A & B
A and B are two of my friends, and I think they're in love. They haven't told one another, but they have told me. I kinda love them both, but definitely not in the same way.
A is a nerd. He works hard, plays videogames, and reads comic books. We went on holiday to Croatia together. We got into a state and he told me, in an awkward and roundabout way, that he thinks he loves her. At the time I dismissed him and told him it was cheesy. I wish I hadn't.
B is German. She used to do hip-hop dancing as a girl and has big boobs. I don't know much else about her, but we get along well. She pities me and my nonesistant love life. I act aloof but I like it when she makes me feel better about myself. We got into a state at an after-exams party and she told me that she is in love with him. I told her that it must feel incredible to say it aloud, and that I was happy for her.
A and B are a odd couple. They hit one another and say that they hate on another. They joke that they are going to break up and that they would like to sleep with other people. A and B cancelled their trip across America this year. I think A believes that I would steal his girlfriend if given the chance. I find it funny that he genuinely thinks im capable of that.
I'm a bit wierd, and sometimes I like to think about their relationship. The young student couple, terrified that work, time, and life will conspire together to end their happiness. I like to think about my own role. As a hopeless romantic I know it isn't my place to tell either one how the other feels. As a friend I would like to help them overcome their anxieties. Most of the time, though, I don't know what to think. I hope it works out for them. I think it will.
A is a nerd. He works hard, plays videogames, and reads comic books. We went on holiday to Croatia together. We got into a state and he told me, in an awkward and roundabout way, that he thinks he loves her. At the time I dismissed him and told him it was cheesy. I wish I hadn't.
B is German. She used to do hip-hop dancing as a girl and has big boobs. I don't know much else about her, but we get along well. She pities me and my nonesistant love life. I act aloof but I like it when she makes me feel better about myself. We got into a state at an after-exams party and she told me that she is in love with him. I told her that it must feel incredible to say it aloud, and that I was happy for her.
A and B are a odd couple. They hit one another and say that they hate on another. They joke that they are going to break up and that they would like to sleep with other people. A and B cancelled their trip across America this year. I think A believes that I would steal his girlfriend if given the chance. I find it funny that he genuinely thinks im capable of that.
I'm a bit wierd, and sometimes I like to think about their relationship. The young student couple, terrified that work, time, and life will conspire together to end their happiness. I like to think about my own role. As a hopeless romantic I know it isn't my place to tell either one how the other feels. As a friend I would like to help them overcome their anxieties. Most of the time, though, I don't know what to think. I hope it works out for them. I think it will.
Monday, 30 January 2012
I felt better today. Maybe it wasn't love I needed, just a lovely 13 hour sleep.
Then I went to the set of an X-Factor type show being filmed by the student Television Station. I do a bit of camera work and running to help out my friend, who is producing the show. It wasn't too much of a chore. I got to see how talented some Students are, and I like to observe how a TV Station works.
In fact, I thought I could do a better job than the effeminate gay boys who run the Station. That's why when I came home I started penning ideas for a comedy sketch show I had in mind. Since I've never written anything before (apart from this blog and a handful of awful and pretentious poems) I asked my friends to help me write. Even if it is terrible, in the end I can only learn from the experience.
Speaking of writing, I have a longer and more personal blog entry planned for tomorrow. I've just got to promise myself that I will do it.
Then I went to the set of an X-Factor type show being filmed by the student Television Station. I do a bit of camera work and running to help out my friend, who is producing the show. It wasn't too much of a chore. I got to see how talented some Students are, and I like to observe how a TV Station works.
In fact, I thought I could do a better job than the effeminate gay boys who run the Station. That's why when I came home I started penning ideas for a comedy sketch show I had in mind. Since I've never written anything before (apart from this blog and a handful of awful and pretentious poems) I asked my friends to help me write. Even if it is terrible, in the end I can only learn from the experience.
Speaking of writing, I have a longer and more personal blog entry planned for tomorrow. I've just got to promise myself that I will do it.
Sunday, 29 January 2012
I've been partying fairly hard the last few days. We threw a house party yesterday. Such good feelings to have no immediate work to do and lots of drugs to take. I'm still feeling down though, and I don't know why. I think I need some love in my life.
I've also been listening to a lot of Broadcast recently. Flying Lotus posted their stuff on twitter. I'm sad that the singer (Trish) died last year.
I've also been listening to a lot of Broadcast recently. Flying Lotus posted their stuff on twitter. I'm sad that the singer (Trish) died last year.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Woop!
Woop! Exams are over! Partay!
That's pretty much all I have to say today. The exams went averagely, but whatever, they're over now.
That's pretty much all I have to say today. The exams went averagely, but whatever, they're over now.
Monday, 23 January 2012
Sunday, 22 January 2012
I forgot to post yesterday. I can't remember that I did anything particularly interesting. Never mind.
Today I revised, spoke to my parents, and went for another short run. I've been having sharp pain in my calves, so I figure that more frequent low-intensity exercise will help. I started with 10 minutes of warm-up exercise (high knees, power jumps, heel kicks, sidesteps, short bursts of speed, etc.), then a 15 minute jog, and finished with 10 minutes on my housemate's exercise bike.
One more day to do revision tomorow, then my first exam, then another day revising, then my last exam... Woo! I can do this!
Today I revised, spoke to my parents, and went for another short run. I've been having sharp pain in my calves, so I figure that more frequent low-intensity exercise will help. I started with 10 minutes of warm-up exercise (high knees, power jumps, heel kicks, sidesteps, short bursts of speed, etc.), then a 15 minute jog, and finished with 10 minutes on my housemate's exercise bike.
One more day to do revision tomorow, then my first exam, then another day revising, then my last exam... Woo! I can do this!
Friday, 20 January 2012
Thursday, 19 January 2012
A list of things I did today
9am Woke up
9.15 Had toast with Jam
Took the bus to my revision session
10am-12pm Revision session
12pm Had lunch on the steps
Went to the Cd library and Hallward library. Didn't get any music or books.
Walk home
2pm Shopping. Got cookies.
3pm Played the guitar for 15 minutes
Went on the internet and avoided work
Listened to Samiyam
5.30 pm Sketched a portrait of Pharoah Sanders
6pm Prepared & ate Chow Mein dinner
Went on the internet and avoided work
8pm Went to my friend's house to chill
Now - Posting on the blog then bed.
9.15 Had toast with Jam
Took the bus to my revision session
10am-12pm Revision session
12pm Had lunch on the steps
Went to the Cd library and Hallward library. Didn't get any music or books.
Walk home
2pm Shopping. Got cookies.
3pm Played the guitar for 15 minutes
Went on the internet and avoided work
Listened to Samiyam
5.30 pm Sketched a portrait of Pharoah Sanders
6pm Prepared & ate Chow Mein dinner
Went on the internet and avoided work
8pm Went to my friend's house to chill
Now - Posting on the blog then bed.
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Hanna
I just watched a film called Hanna.I wouldn't recommend it, it was a bit rubbish. At times it was taking cues from the Bourne films (Hanna is a government agent-assassin who uses brutal hand to hand combat). At others it was taking them from the Resident Evil films (she runs away a lot). It even imitates some of Tarantino's flicks in some parts (the larger than life family she travels with and the charismatic bad guy archetypes). I have no problem with films copying from other films - that's how creativity works. The problem is Hanna just couldn't decide what it was trying to be, and the result was really bland.
I would love to be a film critic in another life. But I can't be bothered to write a full review. Here is a list of 10 things I can think of that were wrong with Hanna:
1. The amazingly unsubtle use of eyes on the wall when the Dad character is being followed. That isn't how atmosphere works.
2. The dull, Bourne-inspired fight scenes. Which never made any sense.
3. The annoyingly endearing and pointless family Hanna travels with. Why?
4. Hanna's awkward encounter with a spanish boy.
5. hanna's awkward encounter with electricity. Seriously, as if her Dad taught her to fight, navigate, survive in the wild, speak foreign languages, etc. but never at any point mentioned electricity?!
6. Whenever the film was trying to be poignant. At least, I think it was...
7. The bad characters were German skinheads. Why?
8. Hanna spends most of the film running from them, even though she can easily beat them in hand to hand combat.
9. She says she doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore, but the movie ends with her killing Cate Blanchett pretty much in cold blood. And Cate Blanchett's character was the best thing about this movie.
10. When she finds out she is a scientific experiment and it's supposed to be some incredible plot-twist. Seriously? The blond-haired blue-eyed albino girl with the strength to kill a bunch of soldiers with her bare hands isn't human?? Didn't see that one coming.
I would love to be a film critic in another life. But I can't be bothered to write a full review. Here is a list of 10 things I can think of that were wrong with Hanna:
1. The amazingly unsubtle use of eyes on the wall when the Dad character is being followed. That isn't how atmosphere works.
2. The dull, Bourne-inspired fight scenes. Which never made any sense.
3. The annoyingly endearing and pointless family Hanna travels with. Why?
4. Hanna's awkward encounter with a spanish boy.
5. hanna's awkward encounter with electricity. Seriously, as if her Dad taught her to fight, navigate, survive in the wild, speak foreign languages, etc. but never at any point mentioned electricity?!
6. Whenever the film was trying to be poignant. At least, I think it was...
7. The bad characters were German skinheads. Why?
8. Hanna spends most of the film running from them, even though she can easily beat them in hand to hand combat.
9. She says she doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore, but the movie ends with her killing Cate Blanchett pretty much in cold blood. And Cate Blanchett's character was the best thing about this movie.
10. When she finds out she is a scientific experiment and it's supposed to be some incredible plot-twist. Seriously? The blond-haired blue-eyed albino girl with the strength to kill a bunch of soldiers with her bare hands isn't human?? Didn't see that one coming.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Monday, 16 January 2012
Exams and motivation
Had my first exam this morning. Getting up at 7am was tough, but I think the exam went well. As well as it could have, given my less-than-enthusiastic approach to revision.
It's funny, I know I'm entirely capable of a first classification, but I just don't care enough to put the work in. I enjoy history a lot, and outside of a school-like-environment I find it is one of the most interesting things. How could anyone not be interested in discovering how things came to be as they are???
But as soon as it becomes work all of that enthusiasm vanishes. When I know I have to learn it to progress and earn career prospects, etc., it suddenly becomess the most tedious and difficult thing in the world to study. I really hate it. It's just weird that, if I happened onto the same topic out of my own curiosity, I would find it endlessly interesting and would probably do a much better job reading and remembering it all!
It's funny, I know I'm entirely capable of a first classification, but I just don't care enough to put the work in. I enjoy history a lot, and outside of a school-like-environment I find it is one of the most interesting things. How could anyone not be interested in discovering how things came to be as they are???
But as soon as it becomes work all of that enthusiasm vanishes. When I know I have to learn it to progress and earn career prospects, etc., it suddenly becomess the most tedious and difficult thing in the world to study. I really hate it. It's just weird that, if I happened onto the same topic out of my own curiosity, I would find it endlessly interesting and would probably do a much better job reading and remembering it all!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Friday, 13 January 2012
I actually got some stuff done today. Despite spending all of last night looking at Tales of Mere Existence videos on Youtube.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Running, Flow and getting stuff done
Went for a run with the University Athletics group today. 4 mile 'tempo run' at 70-80% effort. It was very hilly and knackering, but very satisfying. I believe in Flow - or Mushin, to give it its cooler martial-arts name - a mindstate in which you exist solely in the moment and fully immersed in an activity. In running, the best experience is finishing, thinking "wow, that was fast", checking the stopwatch, and then realising you never even started it! You were so in the moment, that time, distance, surroundings, anxieties, other people, etc. .. that is to say, everything.. becomes irrelevant. All that matters is the joy of running. It's pretty cool. And immensely rewarding.
I try to practice it when I can, whilst running and in other areas of my life. But obviously, it's much harder to immerse yourself entirely in an activity you hate. Like revision. Which I didn't do much of, again.
I gotta get stuff done...
I try to practice it when I can, whilst running and in other areas of my life. But obviously, it's much harder to immerse yourself entirely in an activity you hate. Like revision. Which I didn't do much of, again.
I gotta get stuff done...
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
2
I'm posting quite late tonight because I've had a busy day.. At least by my lazy standards.
Got some work done, despite an awful lot of procrastination. How is it that the internet is such a good tool for wasting time? I can spend an hour trawling through links and Stumbleupon, and at the end of that hour I can't recall any of the content I have seen! It's quite worrying, really..
Three of my five housemates came back, so the house is full now. I get on well with them, but I miss how quiet it was with just two people in the house. I sometimes think I would like to live as a recluse, but then I remember how boring and lonely that would really be.
I also spent a lot of time looking up the misterpokeylope pseudonym. My crazy (not really crazy, just neurotic and overbearing) mum stalks my facebook profile and my Xbox gamertag, so I've been a bit paranoid about what people can discover about me via Google. Then I remember, given how poor and uninteresting I am, who would want to find out about me? What am I afraid of? My mum's rebuking me about my personal life? Who cares? Not me
Got some work done, despite an awful lot of procrastination. How is it that the internet is such a good tool for wasting time? I can spend an hour trawling through links and Stumbleupon, and at the end of that hour I can't recall any of the content I have seen! It's quite worrying, really..
Three of my five housemates came back, so the house is full now. I get on well with them, but I miss how quiet it was with just two people in the house. I sometimes think I would like to live as a recluse, but then I remember how boring and lonely that would really be.
I also spent a lot of time looking up the misterpokeylope pseudonym. My crazy (not really crazy, just neurotic and overbearing) mum stalks my facebook profile and my Xbox gamertag, so I've been a bit paranoid about what people can discover about me via Google. Then I remember, given how poor and uninteresting I am, who would want to find out about me? What am I afraid of? My mum's rebuking me about my personal life? Who cares? Not me
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
First!
Had a pretty quiet day. Got up on time. Went to the library. Did a little bit of revision. Got distracted and anxious. Came home. Made sandwiches. Procrastinated.
Then I decided to start a blog. Not for anyone to read but myself, really, but buying a diary would be too cringe. The name is a reference to Psychonauts, which is a great little game.
Really liking Sparklehorse at the moment. It's a Wonderful Life is great.
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